-I realize that I want to keep talking to Seth. Not because I like him or because he makes me feel good, but because he is mean and he makes me feel like shit and then my life is interesting. It's like an addiction. I don't have anything exciting to talk about in my life, so if Seth is a jerk, BAM! I'm an exciting person. I just wonder why I don't think my life is exciting when there's not a guy making me feel like shit. I feel like I should get some help for that.
-I realize that people in ER hate me. I want to know why. Was I ever such an incredible bitch to these people? Honestly? I mean, the people who hate me are the fucking DRAMA DEPARTMENT. My favorite place, my favorite thing to do, and they all just turn around the second I leave and talk about how much they want me to die? what. the. fuuuuck.?????
-I realize that I never want to set foot within a 3-mile radius of the high school ever again. which sucks, because I am going to the band AND choir concerts this week. I don't really know why I'm even bothering to go to them. I mean, banana wants me to go to the choir concert, but she's the only one. everyone else in the choral program doesn't care if I live to see another day. and the band concert? it's basically the same. I have more people there that hate me then people there that don't. again: WHY??? I'm very confused.
-I realize that I love the springbreakapalooza kids, plus Ryan, Becky, Sarah and Banana, and there are very few people outside of that group that I love. That is perfectly ok with me. I am happy with that. More than happy, because I have people who love me. The whole of eaton rapids could come at me with pitchforks and torches and it wouldn't really matter, because I've got friends who love me. I think that is the greatest thing ever. I love you guys.
I was in the band room today. it made me feel almost sick. Can I really hate it that much, when not so long ago I never wanted to leave? I also saw Julianne today, ad I know she saw me, but she walked on by without saying a word, or smiling, or generally acknowledging my presence. Can she really be so apathetic when not so long ago she was my best friend? Things really do change, I guess.
- Mood:
recumbent
Everyone here----- Party. My house. Tomorrow. 7-12pm. Dress up. Food. More importantly, dip. Yeah. Come.
Ok, gotta clean my room now, because Julianne told me to. We might be going to the movies later. Yep.
- Mood:
ecstatic - Music:Confessions- Usher
Today was good. Claire and I switched parts today and I went to see the tennis match- I was going to go to bible study with Julianne but Chelsea said she needed me at the school. I didn't go dancing either, because Chels had too much homework. Oh, but funny story, at the game, Andrew answered Chelsea's cell and it was my mom. She asked what Chelsea was doing and he saw that she was messing with the button of her shirt, so he said "Oh, she's buttoning up her shirt right now" without even realizing what he had said to MY MOTHER. It was great. And some other funny stuff happened, but it involves me being mean about Kyle, so I won't post it up here for the sake of not getting yelled at. BATHTIME!!!
- Mood:
chipper - Music:Right through you- Alanis Morissete
BLAH I have a lot to do but I don't want to do it. Oh wierd I just realized that I type with the side of my fingers. S-T-R-A-N-G-E. Well, in all reality I don't have THAT much to do. I only have to do the dishes, clean my room, find out what I'm going to wear tomorrow (down to the last thread), somewhat organize what I want to wear foe the rest of the week and for picture day, find all my school stuff that I lost over time, get my stuff ready, and then I might take a bike ride so that I can go to bed early. That's not TOO much, right? Well, I better get started! All my love!
What did I ever see in him?
How did I ever get involved that way?
Now that it's over I can smile and say
'What did I ever see in him?'
Sorry, I had to do it sooner or later. It's so true.
I had a dream last night that Jeremiah wanted everyone to start calling him "George". And some other stuff happened, but I'll post it later. Right now, I have to go... *choke gag die* do stuff.
- Mood:
busy - Music:Help Me Rhonda- The Beach Boys
I had such an amazing time, you guys don't even know. The only thing wrong with this week is that you guys weren't there, seriously. I thought about you guys all the freaking time. You don't know how much I've missed you all, really.
Thursday was amazing. The best day of the week, the fourth day of the week. We went to lake Michigan and spent the day up there. The water was 72 degrees, and the waves were perfect. Nobody really bothered me unless I invited them to, so for hours on end I could imagine that I was in Brazil. Seriously, that's how I felt. Like any second Julianne and Kyle were going to show up beside me and we were going to live out our lives in total bliss. Obviously, that didn't happen, and I felt a pang of homesickness because of it, but it was nice to dream.
Then today. We went to the beach again, only the water was seriously cold. As I was sitting on the beach reading a very good book, Chelsea nudged me and I looked up to see a group of guys walk by. Each and every one of them was GORGEOUS. Not one physical flaw, as far as I could tell. I looked back at Chelsea and told her, very seriously, "I'm not interested." She asked me why, and I said "Because the only one I want is in Europe." Then Chelsea gave me the face. That horrible, condescending, judgemental face. I just turned away and thought of him. Thought of you guys. Thought that the week would have been perfect if you guys were there. BLAH WHY WEREN'T YOU GUYS THERE? Just kidding. OK, time to go get Harry Potter now. WOO-HOO staying up until midnight at Wal-Mart!!!!!! You all should come. I missed you terribly.
- Mood: peaceful
- Music:Time after time
So I just got back from Horn day and open-housing and I'm really tired. I'm going to just focus on the fact part of the day and not the feelings part. Ok, here goes, bullets and all:
- At Horn day, there were like 10,000 Johnathans. Only they ALL talked- only it was more like bragging and being arrogant. Then the professor that we worked with was talking to Becky and I about how we were adapting to Mr.G as a band, and I told her that he got a lot of crap from the seniors, but other than that, we all love him. And she says "Yeah, seniors can be a real problem sometimes. I had the pleasure of listening to your jazz ensemble, and there was a particularly rude trumpet player, and he-" and Becky and I both go "That's Tim." At the same time. Needless to say, we all laughed- even Colleen, the professor. Funny.
- Becky came with us to our open houses. We went to Michael Locke's and Sylvia's. It was ok. Actually, it was kind of fun.
- Then we took Becky home and now I'm here.
- Oh, and I realized today that Into The Woods is not only my new FAVORITE musical, it is parallel to my life, moreso than Phopera. crAzy.
- Everyone needs to love each other again. Forgiveness is the greatest form of love. So, here goes: EVERYONE, I LOVE YOU. AND I HOPE YOU CAN FIND IT IN YOUR HEARTS TO FORGIVE ME FOR HURTFUL THINGS I HAVE SAID, HATEFUL LOOKS THAT I'VE GIVEN, AND STUPID THINGS I HAVE DONE TO MAKE EVERYONE SO HOSTILE TOWARD ONE ANOTHER. I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME, SINCE I AM GOING TO FORGIVE YOU FOR ANYTHING, EVEN IF IT IS A MISCONCEPTION. I AM GOING TO LOVE ALL OF YOU WITH EVERYTHING I HAVE. SINCE I HAVE NO ONE ELSE TO GIVE MY LOVE TO, WHY NOT GIVE IT TO THE PEOPLE WHO LOVED ME THE MOST ONCE UPON A TIME? I TRULY HOPE WE CAN GET THAT LOVE BACK. WHEN YOU THINK BACK TO THIS YEAR, I HOPE YOU'LL LOOK UPON IT WITH A SMILE, AND NOT BITTER TEARS OF ANGER. BECAUSE AS JULIANNE SHOWED US ALL, WE HAVE LOVED MORE THAN WE'VE FOUGHT, WE HAVE CARED MORE THAN WE WERE COLD, AND WE- ALL OF US- GAVE MORE THAN WE RECIEVED. I AM TRULY GRATEFUL TO HAVE ALL OF YOU, AND I HOPE THIS THING- WHATEVER IT IS (DOES ANYONE EVEN KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS IN THE FIRST PLACE?)- GOES AWAY SOON AND WE CAN ALL BE US AGAIN. THAT IS MY BIRTHDAY WISH, AND I BELIEVE IT WILL COME TRUE WHOLEHEARTEDLY. BECAUSE I KNOW THAT YOU ALL LOVE ME ENOUGH TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN. SO SWALLOW YOUR TEARS, LOOK PAST YOUR SCARS, AND SEE THE NEW DAY THAT IS BREAKING. THINGS WILL BE ALL RIGHT NOW, WE CAN MAKE IT SO- SOMEONE IS ON YOUR SIDE- NO ONE IS ALONE. See, I told you Into The Woods was my life!
- Mood: content
- Music:No one is Alone- Into The Woods
By the way, what is up with no one ever starting a conversation with me? I noticed last night (not at Rent but afterwards when I was breaking down about my worthless life) that no one ever starts talking to me. I always start the conversation. I don't know, it's just one of those little things that get you down...
- Mood: proud
- Music:Spice Girls (because sometimes you have to go back to your roots)
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stagebaby92- Kim Macafee
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